I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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