i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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