either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
