i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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