Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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