Michael Bay diarrhea
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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