So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
someone threw a dead crab at me
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
