do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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