I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
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