you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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