I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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