but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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