I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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