I need help removing her.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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