yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
