Betty ford says i'm here all night
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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