it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
