Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
