he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
