He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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