I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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