Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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