you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
