So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
