Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I AM VODKA MAN
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
