So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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