NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
