What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
