i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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