dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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