so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
