I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
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How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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