I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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