You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
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Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
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my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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