I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
