What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
