I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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