I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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