I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
