How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
