We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
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Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
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She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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