RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
