He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
