I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
