Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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