There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
