I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
