I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
