Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
