Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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