She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
