I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
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