He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
