It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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