she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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