Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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