I wish I could punch you in the face.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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