Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
