Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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