My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
