Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
