I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
