wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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