Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
