RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
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Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
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when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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