I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
