My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
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