Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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